I'm in Control

I've been on an incredible parenting journey the last year or so.

Together, Husband and I have been trying to learn and adapt ourselves to be more patient, non-aggressive, non-violent, peaceful parents. Empathy is sometimes a hard thing to teach if you struggle to be empathetic toward yourself.

I recently heard a quote I love:

                Empathy isn't taught. It’s caught.

So I’m trying hard to be more empathetic so our Monsters can catch it. Sometimes empathy starts with autonomy.  

As mothers, autonomy isn't something we typically excel at. We feel guilty locking the bathroom door while we poop or shower. We feel guilty wanting to grocery shop alone.  I cannot teach my Monsters to be strong and independent if I never allow myself the right of autonomy and self-governance. That means the guilt has to go away. It is perfectly acceptable to pee alone and shop for jeans without the family in-tow.

Guilt does not serve me. It doesn't put food on the table, buy groceries, fold laundry, keep me sane, or change diapers. Let the guilt go. **deep breaths**

As I’m learning to allow myself space, I’m noticing how empowered my Monsters are becoming in their own skin.

Monster Man REALLY likes to antagonize Princess Girl, just as most older brothers do their little sisters, especially in the car, but tonight on our drive home as he began to pick at her, she held her palm up to him. Calmly, and a little loudly, she said “Stop. My in control my body. My not listening.”

It only took a small prompting for her to remember that only she is in control of her body, just as he is the only one in control of his. They each have used this in their own defense. Monster Man even told a beloved relative that he could not have a hug because “only I control my body. I hug when I’m ready.”

How profound that at the ages of 2 and 3, they already have a grasp on something that took me nearly 27 years to just begin learn. Learning this has been HUGE for my Monsters. Unfortunately, it makes them even more head strong J but I know that no one will ever be able to push my kids around or force them into anything.  Ever.

I am so amazed every day at the strength of my wonderful Monsters who continually show me all the things I need to heal within myself. Heavenly Father knew exactly what we needed when He sent them to us and I thank Him every day.

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letting go and fnding peace.

I think, as humans, we struggle most with loss and especially with letting go. Sometimes we're asked to let go of things or places, sometimes dreams and goals, and in the worst of times, we are asked to let go of people.

This year has seen the sacrifice of some of my personal goals and dreams for my family and children but also the passing of many people I love.
Last night, a beautiful little girl, Abigail, who shares my birthday, graduated this life, ending her 2.5 year battle with cancer, and went home to our Father in Heaven's arms.

This loss has caused me to reflect on my own loved ones lost, the life I'm living, and on my faith in God, His Plan, and eternal salvation. Today I have spent much time on explaining the Plan of Salvation and why Mormon funerals are different from others and so I feel compelled to share here as well.

In 1988, Boyd K Packer shared a story of two young missionaries who happened along a funeral for a young boy who had drown and a preacher had been called to "say words." The minister began his sermon and sorely scolded the boy's parents for not having baptized him. He told them their son was lost in endless torment as a result of their not having him baptized him. The parents received no comfort from this minister or from the funeral service for their small child.
The Elders approached the boy's parents after his interment, and told them of the Lord's plan of Salvation. They quoted the Book of Mormon, "Little children need no repentance, neither baptism, "(Moroni 8:11). 
President Packer went on to say, "A comforting, spiritual funeral is of great importance. It helps console the bereaved and establishes a transition from mourning to the reality that we must move forward with life. Whether death is expected or a sudden shock, an inspirational funeral where the doctrines of resurrection, the mediation of Christ, and certainty of life after death are taught strengthens those who must now move on with life."
The revelations tell us that “thou shalt live together in love, insomuch that thou shalt weep for the loss of them that die, and more especially for those that have not hope of a glorious resurrection.” (D&C 42:45.)
At times of sorrow and parting one may experience that “peace … which passeth all understanding” (Philip. 4:7) which the scriptures promise. Many have come to marvel in their hearts that such a feeling of peace, even exaltation, can come at the time of such grief and uncertainty.
This peace can only be fostered by reverence and knowledge of the Plan of Salvation.

Plan of Salvation

I have eternal perspective but it is so easy to be lost in the trials of our day to day lives and loose sight of where we are going and where we have come from. Sweet Abigail and her beautiful family never lost sight of their faith in the Lord Jesus Christ, and in his Plan for them. I am inspired by their blessed example to strive to do better, to find the good in each day, and to keep the faith.

I hope you will join me in praying for the Goss Family and all who have lost. Keep the Faith friends.

xoxo,
Sara

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