Operation: Sticker Therapy

This Sweet girl and her family are in our ward. The post below is copied off of her mom's CarePages blog that they use to keep everyone updated on her care and progress.
Please help us bring happiness into her life and the lives of other children battling cancer!

Operation: Sticker Therapy!! Your mission: to help bring happiness and distraction to toddlers fighting cancer by mailing stickers, sticker books, or happy vibes!
Hi! This is Abigail the day before her 2nd birthday.

You can see her central line and her surgery scar. When she was 19 months old she was critically ill, and diagnosed with cancer--stage 4, high-risk Neuroblastoma. She has been through a lot--with a lot still yet to go through.
Abigail loves stickers and they offer distraction and entertainment during multiple hospital stays. When kids are fighting cancer, they go through a lot of yucky therapies: chemotherapy, radiation therapy, antibody therapy, etc. We decided to call this project Sticker Therapy...a therapy they could look forward to!!
Our goal with Operation: Sticker Therapy is to receive enough stickers to be able to put some packets together to share with other children we meet who are fighting for their lives. We encourage you to donate some stickers, and then know that you are blessing the lives of some precious children.
Please mail them to:
Operation: Sticker Therapy C/O Fans Across America Charitable Foundation
18521 E. Queen Creek Rd., Suite 105-187
Queen Creek, AZ 85142

Thank you for your kindness and generosity, and may it be returned unto you! If you would like to make a financial donation to Abigail, that would be greatly appreciated. You can do so by visiting this site: http://www.fansacrossamerica.com/assist_a_family/registry/families/families_in_need/abigail_goss_family.php or by including a check payable to "Abigail Goss Medical Trust Fund" with your stickers.

Thank you dearly!

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catching up...

SO much has happened recently! It's hard keep up blogging with how sick I've been, working, TD getting busier everyday, and then in the evenings when he's in bed Hubby has hours of homework to do so no computer time for Momma :(((

I am FINALLY off the pump and happily back on the oral Zofran but still take two other OTC nausea medications to help carry me through. YAY!!!

TD turned ONE this past Monday, the day after my 25th birthday!

We did his one year old pics with Jacquilyn Avery Photography last Saturday. He was quite stoic during his photoshoot, like he was trying to figure out what she was doing and what all her equipment was but I think they'll be some cute ones and I can't wait to see them!

We celebrated our birthdays on Tuesday and had our ultrasound to find out baby #2's gender that day also.
We had our US tech seal baby's gender in an envelope. We went to target, picked out two take home outfits, one boy and one girl. We took them to guest services and asked them to open the envelope, ring up the appropriate outfit, and wrap it up while we went and got a snack.  We came back to pick up our change and our plain white gift bag and waited until the end of the birthday party to open it.

TD had is very first hot dog and his very own birthday cupcake (his first was during his pictures) which he happily devoured! After we cleaned him up, it was time to open presents!!
Hubby and I opened our gender present first:

ITS A GIRL!

I knew it would be; I knew TD was a boy and I know this one is a girl. My intuition streak is 2 for 2! :)

Of course I'm already planning and decorating her room and bedding! AND, of course my favorite bedding, hubby doesn't love... We'll see who wins that battle :)
I may end up sewing custom bedding for our princess, IF I get that ambitious... And I've been shopping for wall paper, paint treatment ideas, etc already because only the best will do!

One thing I'm definitely nervous about is how to integrate new baby into TD's life given that he's too young to really explain it to. He's still just a baby himself; they'll barely be 17 months apart.
I pray I do it well and it doesn't upset him too much... And I'll take any advice I can get.



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Food for thought

I've been reading The Heart of the Matter by Emily Giffin (who I love!) and was struck by the following passage:

"... all women compare lives. We are aware of whose husband works more, who helps more around the house, who makes more money, who is having more sex. We compare our children, taking note of who is sleeping through the night, eating their vegetables, minding their manners, getting into the right schools We know who keeps the best house, throws the best parties, cooks the best meals, has the best tennis game. We know who among us is the smartest, has the fewest lines around her eyes, has the  best figure--whether naturally or artificially. We are aware of who works full-time, who stays at home with the kids, who manages to do it all and make it look easy, who shops and lunches while the nanny does it all. We digest it all and then discuss with our friends. Comparing and then confiding; it is what women do.
"The difference, I think, lies in why we do it. Are we doing it to gauge our own life and reassure ourselves that we fall within the realm of normal? Or are we being competitive, relishing others' shortcomings so that we can win, if only by default?"

I have never really thought of myself as a gossip, in actuality I strive to NOT gossip. But, as a woman who has (like most) struggled with my self esteem over the years, I must admit that I do take note of many of the things listed above about women I meet.

So, I wonder why we do it. Are we (me in particular) so self conscious that we are truly constantly comparing ourselves to other women and other mothers hoping that we fall somewhere above the middle, ideally at the top? And if we are really comparing ourselves, what has happened to each of us over our life span that has removed our ability to just be who we are and love that girl, including all of our short comings, however big or small? Are we comparing so that we may pass judgement on someone else's decisions and lifestyle choices?

Its interesting that one of my "beach reads" can be suddenly so thought provoking. But, I'm going to make an effort to quit comparing myself to other mommies and just be satisfied with the job I'm doing, the very best I can each day.


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No one really gets it...

No one really gets it. And because no one really gets it, comments (which I tell myself come from a good place and are well-meaning) come across patronizing and belittling. Do not down play something you don’t truly understand.

I am sick. And not just, “oh, it’s just a little morning sickness. I’ll be fine in a minute.”

This is constant, overwhelming and debilitating sickness worse than anything I ever experienced with TD, which was pretty severe. 

This is “I’ve lost 17lbs in 4 weeks,” and “when I vomit it is violent, forceful and downright painful. It feels as though someone is ripping my insides out through my nose and mouth. Did I mention that I frequently projectile vomit out my nose in addition to what is coming out my mouth?” kind of gross, I know.

With my son, TD, I was sick for 25 weeks. Thankfully Zofran helped – a lot. And, I was able to resume a substantial part of my diet with its help, but not this baby. This one is trying to kill me -- slowly and painfully. Maybe it’s punishment for calling babies in-utero your own personal parasite. . .

Oral Zofran tablets did nothing for this sickness. Thankfully, my doctor set me up with a wonderful home healthcare company and some great nurses. So, I spent 3 days on the couch with an IV and fluids flowing trying to rehydrate since water and I haven’t been friends for a while. I also got a Zofran pump.

A Zofran pump is very similar to an insulin pump in that it infuses medicine at a specified rate constantly through a port somewhere on your body, typically the stomach region. This means I have to stab myself in the stomach with a needle just over an inch long at least every other day and I can never be without my pump or the tubing that goes from it to my infusion site.

My doctor is pretty awesome so he started me at the highest recommended base dose for pregnant women. Unfortunately, I still got sick. So after a couple of days, they consulted the pharmacist and raised it. Even more unfortunate, my skin doesn’t really like Zofran so at some point it gets angry and quits fully absorbing leaving me with a hard, red, swollen, sore, and extremely tender welt much bigger than the port itself. Because of this, I have to change site TWICE A DAY.

LOVELY! I am now stabbing myself in the stomach twice a day and it really freaking hurts. I can’t put a new site within an inch of the welt left behind by a previous site – did I mention they stay red, swollen, and sore for 7-10 days? At this point (day 12 with the pump) I’m running out of approved places to stab myself and don’t really see my thighs as a viable option for myself… My entire stomach is swollen and tender. Holding TD is painful. Bending and going from standing to sitting or sitting to standing are painful.

After a couple of days at this new higher dose, I’m still dropping about a pound a day (sometimes 4) and still throwing up but I’m at the maximum recommended dose of Zofran for pregnant women. My nurse (whom I speak to daily) has to call the pharmacist who has to consult with my doctor and come up with a new plan.  They decide to add a new oral medication because I clearly cannot tolerate a higher dose of Zofran without having to change my infusion site more frequently and three times a day sounds even less fun to me than twice a day. 

Here we run into another problem. I’m already exhausted from being malnourished (I honestly can’t remember my last real meal) and of course from being pregnant – which is the cause of all of this – and the new medication is highly likely to knock me out. Great, just GREAT. It works really well at conquering my nausea but wipes me out and I can’t drive or work or take care of TD, my 25 lbs., active 11 month old. So, we’ll try a half dose. Not so tired but not so effective. At this point, I’ll take what I can get.

So I’m feeling a teensy bit better so I decide to try a little mild pasta. Bad choice. VERY bad choice. And, I’m throwing up again.

You’re probably wondering what I can eat. I’ll make you a list, its short.

Bagel, toast (no butter on either, Sad I know), apple slices, Yoplait strawberry yogurt, 1 scrambled egg (which is new and exciting this week), canned peach slices, ramen noodles, saltine crackers, peanut butter but only a teeny bit, sometimes fresh pineapple, and depending on the nausea level, a tsp. of pinto beans. Oh, and ice or Powerade ice.

I’m sure you’re all thinking that I’m 13+ weeks so it should be over soon or that if I can keep it down even 30 minutes that I’ve probably gotten some nutrition out of it or any other variation or sentiment that you think is helpful but none of it feels helpful and none of it feels supportive. It just feels patronizing.

Let's not forget that with TD I was sick for 25 weeks so I have no hopes of this being over soon.

My sweet husband gets it. He is watching me self-destruct in my sickness and sadness and pain over my sickness. He supports me by holding my hand and passing no judgment. He makes no suggestion that it’ll all be over soon, that I’m exaggerating, or that I should be better at handling it.

Maybe I should be better at handling it, but it’s really hard and it really hurts.

My heart is SO full

So, I have this absolutely AMAZING friend, who I call "my sister I chose." She is a truly awesome friend and we have supported each other through A LOT over the 7 years we've known each other. Together, we've survived quite a roller coaster of ups and downs and could take on the whole world hand in hand (with our cute hubbies- who've know each other since diapers in tow- of course!).

Sunday, I got the BEST news ever. Seriously, I think I'm more excited/overjoyed/ecstatic than any other day of wonderfulness in my own life!

My dear friend and her husband are adopting a baby girl in just THREE WEEKS!

My heart is SO full and there are no words to express my emotions. Along with all the love and excitement I'm feeling for them, my testimony has been so strengthened by their experiences, faith, and examples. Never before in my life have I been able to see so tangibly the hand of our Heavenly Father at work. I will refrain from sharing all the private details of their experience, but is aw-inspiring to see how He guides us and places us exactly where we are supposed to be when we are supposed to get there.

Often the path we walk is not how we thought it would be; its longer, rougher, has some blind turns and even forces us to retrace our steps at times but it is always for a purpose and for our good. And part of the process is learning not just to weather the storm but to dance in the rain. This cute couple has definitely learned to make lemonade and their dreams are coming true.

I know that they will be AMAZING parents and this sweet child will be so loved, blessed, and cherished. And I feel so honored to be a part of their lives. <3

I've become one of them...

I always knew I'd be a great mom. I'd be fashionable and fabulous just like my pre-baby self; I'd have it all together: great home-work balance, playdates and zoo trips, crafts and cooking, AND I'd look good doing it.

But then, reality set in... I've turned into one of those moms who's scattered and a hot mess from sun up to sun down. If its not attached, I've lost it or will loose it in the near future. I'm frazzled the majority of the time and constantly wishing I had just TEN MORE MINUTES to get ready/where I'm going/etc.

Monday, I called my husband frantically because I couldn't find my wallet. He knew right where it was at: on the back of the couch, under his suit jacket.


Yesterday I organized an errand trip with one of my most favorite people. We regularly go to Target, Walmart, and a few other random places together with one or more child in tow. Its easier and more fun that way.  So, we're doing our thing and having fun. We do our errands and buy our things and go home for naps.

An hour later I realize I've bought the wrong light bulbs and forgotten some things at Walmart (my least favorite store but that's a story for another day...). After all the kids are tucked in for the night, my friend and I trek back out together to Home Depot and the dreaded Walmart. We get the things I've forgotten, stop by Chili's for chips and salsa and head home.

Fast Forward to today and I realize (with child loaded in sling, diaper bag packed for sitter, my bag packed breast pump and all for work, a bag of books for said sitter, and my lunch) that I can't find my wallet.
I drive to our sitter's house; she happens to be the friend I was with last night. She checks her van and we go over the evening together. We're sure I had it when I got home.

My husband, who is really good at finding things I've lost, calls me to say he can't find my wallet in the house. I call the Chili's. They don't have it. I'm sure I had it at Chili's... Guess I'll call Walmart anyway. Sure enough, they have it. I've spent the whole day looking for my wallet and it was at the last place I looked.

I'm officially one of those crazy moms who can't ever seem to keep it all together or get where they're supposed to be on time. Guess the joke's on me!

awesome Ladies

I was watching The Princess Diaries which has lots of strong women in it. They quoted Eleanor Roosevelt, "No one can make you feel inferior without your consent." She also said "A woman is like a tea bag--you never know how strong she is until she gets in hot water."
It got me thinking about all the strong women I have known or been influenced by over the years.

Over the weekend, we braved some cold weather to go to a dinner honoring Influential women of Scouting.
My sweet mother in-law was being recognized for her many years of service to the scouting program and the many boys she has helped get their Eagle. The love, service, and charity she has given to those around her (not just in scouting) is inspiring and I hope I can grow to be more like her.

At this event were many strong and inspiring women. I had the wonderful opportunity to meet Margaret Nadauld. She served as the General Young Women's President for several years and her talks and books have always reminded me of our divine qualities and abilities as women.
My very favorite talk of hers is The Joy of Womanhood where she reminds us of our inherent capacity to love, our strength and grace.
"Women of God can never be like women of the world. The world has enough women who are tough; we need women who are tender. There are enough women who are coarse; we need women who are kind. There are enough women who are rude; we need women who are refined. We have enough women of fame and fortune; we need more women of faith. We have enough greed; we need more goodness. We have enough vanity; we need more virtue. We have enough popularity; we need more purity."

My mother is also a very strong women. She pulled herself up by her boot straps and over came great odds to make a better life for herself and her family. Among many other difficult things, she got both her bachelors and masters degrees while she worked full time and had kids at home. She has always just done what was needed without a mention of any hardship she felt. She has been a great example of strength and courage to me over the years.

I feel so blessed to have been in the company of such great ladies who remind me of the strength I have inside.
... Just one more quote for Eleanor:

Do what you feel in your heart to be right - for you'll be criticized anyway. You'll be damned if you do, and damned if you don't.