Made By Me Monday

I found an adorable pattern for a bubble romper on Etsy and made it for my Princess to wear in her Valentine Mini session with Jax of Jacquilyn Avery Photography  She does fantastic work and you should follow her on facebook. :)

Here's the result (it's pretty amazing if you ask me!):

You see, I like to knock things out in one quick sitting and frequently cut corners... and procrastinate.  With this one, I probably should have paid a bit more attention to detail. In any case, it came out alright and photographed well. :)

 

I made TD a pocket square out of left over ruffle material from Princess's romper so they matched! He's at the age where asking for a picture is difficult at best, so I'm truly amazed Jax was able to come up with anything let alone four great pics. Here's two.  

 

Happy Valentine's Day from the Domesticated Monsters

 

rough start

2013 is off to a rough start for us.

We've lost a couple of really awesome Uncles. Both had been ill and in pain for some time so there is peace in their passing, the pain is removed. There's also pain. We who are left behind feel pain for the time we must go on without them. It seems long for us but for them, in a beautiful place with our Savior, it is but short.

The last 5 or 6 weeks everyone has been sick at least one but most 2 or more times. I haven't slept more than 3 hours at once since mid December and I literally can't remember the last time I slept 6 straight hours aside from the 2 nights we spent sans niños in Vegas earlier this month. My kids sleep even worse when we're away from home as we have been for funerals.

Being a mom is really tough. Being a sleep deprived mom who suffers from postpartum depression is even tougher. I've not been shy about my struggles but I've not come right out about some of my feelings toward my children.

I love and adore my children, but sometimes I don't LIKE them very much. I have moments of what I like to call "momma rage." Some days they try me to my wits' end and destroy whatever shred of patience I may have once had. I start to feel like I'm not cut out for this job, the most important job I'll ever hold, with the most lasting, eternal consequences.

My fears get the better of me. What if I end up utterly destroying my children the way that my childhood destroyed me? What if I give them cause to question their value and self worth and leave unable to trust in virtually every relationship they have for the rest of their lives? It's easy for me to lay blame for perceived shortcoming on my father and my upbringing. It's easy for me allow the fear to take over.

But, as wise men say, where fear resides faith cannot exist. How can I have faith in the plan for me and my own abilities and strengths if I allow fear to over shadow and over power my life?

I need to have faith in my Heavenly Father. I need to have faith in MYSELF and in my eternal companion. Some how I have to try each moment of every day to let go of those things that have left deep scars invisible to the eye. Letting go is the greatest challenge of my life and a battle I will fight each and every day.

In an effort to maintain my perspective, I've begun writing a journal to each of my monsters. First, I wrote out their birth story for them to hear from my perspective. Every day I try to write down one thing I love about them and one funny/happy thing that happened that day. So far, it's helping but we'll see if I remember to keep writing.

I've never been much good at journaling and my blogging habits are sporadic at best. I'll keep trying, each day to do better than I did yesterday.

So that where I'm at right now.

Hump day!

Happy Hump day Loves!

Counting today, just TWO more days until a FIVE DAY WEEKEND with my husband! WOO HOO!

In other news, I'm cleaning with my favorite fume, chemical, danger FREE cleaners today.

Just sprinkle some baking soda, spritz with vinegar that has Lemon, lavender, and OnGuard in it. Wait 2-5 minutes, gently scrape any stuck on yuckies with a putty knife, wipe with damp rag, dry and DONE!

Also, FINALLY updating the family command center, something I've really been meaning to do for a super long time. Get excited. More on this to come.

xoxo!

Happiness is a Mood

Another lovely nugget from my favorite series...

So the gorgeous girl looses essentially everything she feels is her identity. And obviously she's feeling a little lost. So her boyfriend tells her

"people get lost when they think of happiness as a destination."

 

 

A lot of us live our lives thinking that they'll be happy "when." The new job. The new car. The new house. Make more money. Take this great vacation.

 

But really happiness is a MOOD. It's about the here and now. I know well the feelings of "I'll be happy when.." It used to be when we bought a house because I'd grown to hate our condo even though I loved our ward and the people we lived near.

 

But then, we got the house. And just five days later, I broke my shoulder. It was a devastating injury, excruciatingly painful, and forever changed our path. It changed my job security, because people don't wait FIVE MONTHS for their favorite waxer or hairstylist. It changed our financial security, both our plans and our current state. It made us dependent on outside help from our friends and family in a way we never had been before.

 

Frequently I still catch myself saying things like, "well we were going to, but then I broke my shoulder," or "we had that planned, but then I broke my shoulder."

 

I am currently, and have been for more than a year, living in the "I'll be happy when...." state of being and I'm realizing that I've also been quick to lay blame for things that were truly out of anyone's control. Maybe I've been focusing too much on the "when" and not enough on the "now."

 

Maybe, happiness really is a mood. It's something we have to decide to be and work for each moment of every day. And maybe gratefulness and happiness are slightly interchangeable. Maybe being appreciative of the things in front of us helps us see the happiness we have NOW.

 

Today I'm so grateful for my wonderful husband, the strength and support he is to me. I'm thankful he is a worthy priesthood holder who can bless our family daily. I'm so grateful that he has a job and is on a career path when so many do not have those things.

I'm thankful for two healthy, vibrant children.

I am grateful for the blessings of the gospel and the temple, for my eternal marriage, our prophet, the scriptures, and modern day revelation.

I'm thankful for a roof that doesn't leak, for a car that runs, for our amazing friends who show up in our darkest hours, and for our family and all that they are and do.

 

Today, I choose to be happy. But please, someone remind me at nap time, I'll probably forget. :)

blindness

I've been a little blind lately. And I don't me metaphorically.

So I have this little defect with my left eye that has been worsening each year since my childhood. It doesn't close all the way, which is fun cuz it really creeps people out from time to time, and it droops a bit and gives me away any time I'm tired or have a migraine or whatever. But really it's no big deal; I just use some oil based drops before bed.

But sometimes I bug Husband because I wake up in the night in pain with a scratch. Whatever, lots of drops for a couple of days. All better.

Did I mention the chronically dry eyes? Oh yea, I have those too.

So Wednesday I attended a beautiful birth. Which is so wonderful and I absolutely love being apart of such a special day for families. Except I get REALLY tired. Not as tired as the new momma and daddy of course, but still very tired. After a long day away, I had dinner with my lovelies, I put the Princess to bed, showered, and snuggled up with Husband on the couch for a few minutes. And then I went to bed. At 7:45pm. Lame, I know. Don't judge.

So around 3ish in the morning, I wake up with some serious eye pain. Husband does the usual check, "are you alright?"
"No, I scratched my eye"
"get some drops."
"will do. Love you husband. Go back to sleep."

So as prescribed ;) I get my eye drops and go a little heavy. Then wait ten minutes and add some more before returning to bed.

I get up to realize that it's not the eye that normally gets injured. Hmm... whatever. Continue regimen

By Saturday I'm in excruciating pain and realize this is bad. I can barely see, ice pick style headache, my face is swelling up. AWESOME.

After 3 days of a happy percocet comma and the crappy ER doc eye drops I head into the eye doc. Yup, my vision has reduced to 20/50 and lots of fogginess. So that's just great.
Can't drive. Wonderful.
Now I've got this icky bandage lense on for 7 days and my eye is dilated for 3-5 days so that it will quit straining to focus. Which is all well and good except that means I have to cover the culprit eye to be able to read. Or type. Or facebook.

Being blind (all or partially) SUCKS.

End of whining and complaining.

In other news, the chickens have decided they prefer roosting in the citrus trees instead of their coop. Hope no cats catch them in the night.

Oh, and that reminds me... I'm not going to have any citrus survive to ripeness (is that a word?) if my little Monster TD doesn't quit picking it to use as balls to play fetch with Betsy or "bowling for chickens." Bowling for chickens is kind funny to watch...

The End.

Maybe it's time to move on

Lately, I've been re-watching one of my favorite series on Netflix. I was struck by a particular line, and it's odd how it hit me, because although it was about pain and sadness, the context in which it was spoken wasn't my particular brand of sorrow.

My life has been one of great pain and sorrow. I've been through a lot and hurt a LOT. I wasn't even thinking about my wounds at the moment that this was spoken, but somehow it struck me to the core:

 

"Maybe it's time to move on."

 

 

WOW. How profound. And yet, so simple. "Maybe it's time to move on."

 

So I pondered on that for several minutes. And then the Princess woke up from her nap.

 

I continued on with my morning, watching as I nursed and played with her. A few episodes later, this character's pain deepened. I can relate to that. While my wounds are deep, they are old. Nearly as old as I am. However, I feel like they've never fully healed because the person who inflicted them continues to pick at the raw edges regularly. So this character's brother says to him, in the midst of his pain and darkness, "the darkness doesn't have any answers."

 

Our society has this romantic notion that all the pain and suffering and wallowing is actually really beautiful and healing, that it's poetic and helpful. But it's not. It's just garbage and pain and suffering. What's poetic and helpful is LIFE. LIVING the life we have before us, appreciating the present, the beauty, and love NOW is what is healing.

 

So I'm going to let it all go and MOVE ON. I'm sure that from time to time I'll still be able to feel those old wounds, and that their causation will still pick at them but I will try to remember the life I have before me and beauty of my two wonderful little monsters, and love that my husband unconditional bestows upon me. He reminds me that we are two halves of a whole and that we make up for each others' short comings. He, and our children, is where my future lies.

 

That's not to say that things won't be difficult sometimes but the world doesn't have to revolve around pain. The past is part of who we are but as one of my favorite songs says when things get rough we'll just "take this sinking boat and point it home, we've still got time..."

 

Let's move on. 

The one where I tell how awesome I am

Sometimes there are people placed in your life that you're unable to remove for various reasons. Even when you want to. So you just deal with it, right? Well most of the time, while slightly unpleasant, it's typically no biggie.

Sometimes said people make inferences and judgements about who they perceive you to be. Usually these types of assumptions are wrong. Very, very wrong.

I'm kind of a crazy girl, maybe even a bit schizo when it comes to my interests, hobbies, and job history. I get that it can be hard to keep up with me sometimes. But I ask for the benefit of the doubt.
I'm a stay at home/work at home momma of two crazies and I often feel like I'm loosing my mind but I'm bright and talented and just hope that I'll have the opportunity to utilize those talents in the service of others.

Lately, aforementioned people have treated me as though I have no talents of worth because I'm "young" and a hairdresser. And so I've continually been underutilized of late and treated as though I don't bring very much to the table.

Well, let me tell you why I am awesome:

Did you know that I was a medical secretary for more than 3 years?? I'm the daughter of a nurse. I took biology, chemistry, anatomy and physiology, medical terminology, and a few other things. I have a basic understanding of medical billing, diagnoses, and how the body works. When people use big medical words, I know what they mean and understand the context.

Did you know that I was an English major for a while? Yup, I'm fantastic at English. I'm wonderful at editing, researching, grammar, and persuasion. When you need help outlining, mapping, and/or editing your paper, I'm your girl. I even know how to properly use a semicolon! Unheard of, I know. I'm also kind of amazing at research.

I'm really great at math. Algebra, Trig, Geometry? Piece. of. CAKE. Don't like it; really good at it.

Did you know that I'm a licensed cosmetologist? This means that I can do more than hair. I also give a really rad facial. And, I can wax. Well. And fast.
On a good day, with the right products, I could wax your body hair line to toes in just about 2 hours. I'm also a really great makeup artist. I am excellent at highlighting a woman's best features.

I throw a really great party. For serious.

Did you know that I'm really passionate about health, nutrition, breastfeeding, and babies?
I'm a birth doula and lactation educator. I'm well versed and studied in the natural process of pregnancy, labor, delivery, and feeding babies the way God intended our bodies to do it. I believe in clean living, empowering our bodies to function and heal properly. I have a better understanding of natural childbirth than most medical doctors and nurses in our allopathic society has ever observed. I have a MUCH better understanding of breastmilk and breastfeeding that any doctor was taught in their schooling. I am continually updating and increasing my knowledge of nutrition, natural remedies and cures, and all things pregnancy, birth, and breastfeeding related because I'm hungry to continue in helping myself, my family, and those I come in contact with.

I'm a good speaker and teacher. I tend to over prepare, but I can typically give my message without needing too many of my notes and give information in a way that's easily understood. My mom is seriously one of the best presenters and speakers I know and I've tried hard to emulate her.
....I've also been to more than a few toastmasters meetings. HAHA!

Navigating! I'm great with a map.


So yea, I'm awesome.

You know what I suck at?? Lots of things. I'm a bit shy, I get nervous in new situations, and I like my comfort zone. I hate to be alone, like a LOT. I'm easily distracted. I talk endlessly, seriously could chat your ear off.
I like routine. And plans, please just stick to the plan. I'm opinionated. And obsessive. And easily distracted.
And let's be honest, this list could go on and on and on.

So, what was my point? .....oh right! I've been vastly underestimated and underutilized lately. It kind of sucks to have people's preconceived notions and perceptions of you determine what they believe your skill set is regardless of what you state. Combine this with a little bit of being overlooked and just a little bit of being villianized of late and I'm feeling a bit useless. This makes me cranky. Seriously. Just ask Husband.

Feeling useless is no fun. So I'm just asking you to give me a chance and let me show you what I can do. Let me show you my awesomeness. You'll be impressed. I promise.