We each are dealt a specific hand in life and the challenges are unique and specific to us.
Each of us have some trial and/or difficultly we're currently facing and how it feels is also unique. No two brains, hearts, or spirits FEEL the same way. So, what seems like no big deal to me, may feel overwhelming and earth shattering to you.
This is why it makes me sad when people say to one another, "this is supposed to be the best time," or "well if you don't like it now, it's all just downhill from here." Comments like these can make some feel like a failure.
I have to amazing, GREAT, little monsters who call me mom. However, one is incredibly high needs with a very specific set of challenges that we're still trying to learn how to navigate. The other is a sensitive and emotional child who also has many needs. Neither of these things are "bad" but they are difficult, exhausting, and at times very stressful. This does not mean that I love my children any less than the next mother or that I wouldn't take a bullet and walk through the depths of hell to protect and fight for my monsters. What it means, is that I get tired, emotionally and physically, I get frazzled, and I need lots of love and support.
This week, my husband is gone on a cushy business trip to an exciting destination. Unfortunately, this leaves me feeling rather alone.
Each day, I am solely responsible for the children from the moment they wake. I count the minutes until 5 pm comes and I can have a few precious minutes of reprieve before diving into dinner and bedtime routines. But this week, there will be no reprieve, no knight in shining armour to swoop in just in the nick of time to distract the children while Momma puts her feet up and downs a tall glass of ice water. It seems daunting to face this week feeling entirely alone in the world.
I've never made light of my struggles with post partum depression but I don't consider myself a negative Nancy either.
So it hurts my heart a bit when people suggest that if I just had a better attitude about the coming days, it would all be easier.
When someone tells me that I should be savoring every moment because some day I'll miss the tantrums, I feel incredibly judged and like I'm doing something wrong.
I will miss the quiet moments with my daughter nestled at my breast. I will miss the rare times of stillness as I read a book or two to my son while he sits in my lap. I will miss the yummy smell that is so unique to small children. I'll miss the stumbley toddler steps and the adorable way they struggle to make their words sound like mine. I'll probably even miss the way they NEED me every moment of every day.
But I highly doubt I will miss the years of sleepless nights, the screaming fits complete with hitting and biting, and I feel certain that I will not miss repeatedly saying "DO NOT hit/kick/knock over your sister," or "Please keep your hands to yourself!" I am certain I will not miss poopy diapers and especially not miss poop in the tub.
You see, I think it's all about perspective. We perceive our way to be right and our advice needed. We perceive our lot in life to be the most difficult. And so we pass judgement and, whether intentionally or not, toss out biting remarks.
As I look around, in the quiet night, while my children are peacefully tucked in their beds, I realize that there is no comparison, both no need for one and no ability to accurately do so.
We each carry our own individual burden and some of us do so at greater cost than others but the cost and weight can not be compared. I try to find the good in each day and strive to do my best with my children. So believe me when I say that I'm doing the very best I can. Some days that's more and some days it's less but it's the best I can do today and I can not give more.
