Maybe it's time to move on

Lately, I've been re-watching one of my favorite series on Netflix. I was struck by a particular line, and it's odd how it hit me, because although it was about pain and sadness, the context in which it was spoken wasn't my particular brand of sorrow.

My life has been one of great pain and sorrow. I've been through a lot and hurt a LOT. I wasn't even thinking about my wounds at the moment that this was spoken, but somehow it struck me to the core:

 

"Maybe it's time to move on."

 

 

WOW. How profound. And yet, so simple. "Maybe it's time to move on."

 

So I pondered on that for several minutes. And then the Princess woke up from her nap.

 

I continued on with my morning, watching as I nursed and played with her. A few episodes later, this character's pain deepened. I can relate to that. While my wounds are deep, they are old. Nearly as old as I am. However, I feel like they've never fully healed because the person who inflicted them continues to pick at the raw edges regularly. So this character's brother says to him, in the midst of his pain and darkness, "the darkness doesn't have any answers."

 

Our society has this romantic notion that all the pain and suffering and wallowing is actually really beautiful and healing, that it's poetic and helpful. But it's not. It's just garbage and pain and suffering. What's poetic and helpful is LIFE. LIVING the life we have before us, appreciating the present, the beauty, and love NOW is what is healing.

 

So I'm going to let it all go and MOVE ON. I'm sure that from time to time I'll still be able to feel those old wounds, and that their causation will still pick at them but I will try to remember the life I have before me and beauty of my two wonderful little monsters, and love that my husband unconditional bestows upon me. He reminds me that we are two halves of a whole and that we make up for each others' short comings. He, and our children, is where my future lies.

 

That's not to say that things won't be difficult sometimes but the world doesn't have to revolve around pain. The past is part of who we are but as one of my favorite songs says when things get rough we'll just "take this sinking boat and point it home, we've still got time..."

 

Let's move on. 

The one where I tell how awesome I am

Sometimes there are people placed in your life that you're unable to remove for various reasons. Even when you want to. So you just deal with it, right? Well most of the time, while slightly unpleasant, it's typically no biggie.

Sometimes said people make inferences and judgements about who they perceive you to be. Usually these types of assumptions are wrong. Very, very wrong.

I'm kind of a crazy girl, maybe even a bit schizo when it comes to my interests, hobbies, and job history. I get that it can be hard to keep up with me sometimes. But I ask for the benefit of the doubt.
I'm a stay at home/work at home momma of two crazies and I often feel like I'm loosing my mind but I'm bright and talented and just hope that I'll have the opportunity to utilize those talents in the service of others.

Lately, aforementioned people have treated me as though I have no talents of worth because I'm "young" and a hairdresser. And so I've continually been underutilized of late and treated as though I don't bring very much to the table.

Well, let me tell you why I am awesome:

Did you know that I was a medical secretary for more than 3 years?? I'm the daughter of a nurse. I took biology, chemistry, anatomy and physiology, medical terminology, and a few other things. I have a basic understanding of medical billing, diagnoses, and how the body works. When people use big medical words, I know what they mean and understand the context.

Did you know that I was an English major for a while? Yup, I'm fantastic at English. I'm wonderful at editing, researching, grammar, and persuasion. When you need help outlining, mapping, and/or editing your paper, I'm your girl. I even know how to properly use a semicolon! Unheard of, I know. I'm also kind of amazing at research.

I'm really great at math. Algebra, Trig, Geometry? Piece. of. CAKE. Don't like it; really good at it.

Did you know that I'm a licensed cosmetologist? This means that I can do more than hair. I also give a really rad facial. And, I can wax. Well. And fast.
On a good day, with the right products, I could wax your body hair line to toes in just about 2 hours. I'm also a really great makeup artist. I am excellent at highlighting a woman's best features.

I throw a really great party. For serious.

Did you know that I'm really passionate about health, nutrition, breastfeeding, and babies?
I'm a birth doula and lactation educator. I'm well versed and studied in the natural process of pregnancy, labor, delivery, and feeding babies the way God intended our bodies to do it. I believe in clean living, empowering our bodies to function and heal properly. I have a better understanding of natural childbirth than most medical doctors and nurses in our allopathic society has ever observed. I have a MUCH better understanding of breastmilk and breastfeeding that any doctor was taught in their schooling. I am continually updating and increasing my knowledge of nutrition, natural remedies and cures, and all things pregnancy, birth, and breastfeeding related because I'm hungry to continue in helping myself, my family, and those I come in contact with.

I'm a good speaker and teacher. I tend to over prepare, but I can typically give my message without needing too many of my notes and give information in a way that's easily understood. My mom is seriously one of the best presenters and speakers I know and I've tried hard to emulate her.
....I've also been to more than a few toastmasters meetings. HAHA!

Navigating! I'm great with a map.


So yea, I'm awesome.

You know what I suck at?? Lots of things. I'm a bit shy, I get nervous in new situations, and I like my comfort zone. I hate to be alone, like a LOT. I'm easily distracted. I talk endlessly, seriously could chat your ear off.
I like routine. And plans, please just stick to the plan. I'm opinionated. And obsessive. And easily distracted.
And let's be honest, this list could go on and on and on.

So, what was my point? .....oh right! I've been vastly underestimated and underutilized lately. It kind of sucks to have people's preconceived notions and perceptions of you determine what they believe your skill set is regardless of what you state. Combine this with a little bit of being overlooked and just a little bit of being villianized of late and I'm feeling a bit useless. This makes me cranky. Seriously. Just ask Husband.

Feeling useless is no fun. So I'm just asking you to give me a chance and let me show you what I can do. Let me show you my awesomeness. You'll be impressed. I promise.