So, I have this absolutely AMAZING friend, who I call "my sister I chose." She is a truly awesome friend and we have supported each other through A LOT over the 7 years we've known each other. Together, we've survived quite a roller coaster of ups and downs and could take on the whole world hand in hand (with our cute hubbies- who've know each other since diapers in tow- of course!).
Sunday, I got the BEST news ever. Seriously, I think I'm more excited/overjoyed/ecstatic than any other day of wonderfulness in my own life!
My dear friend and her husband are adopting a baby girl in just THREE WEEKS!
My heart is SO full and there are no words to express my emotions. Along with all the love and excitement I'm feeling for them, my testimony has been so strengthened by their experiences, faith, and examples. Never before in my life have I been able to see so tangibly the hand of our Heavenly Father at work. I will refrain from sharing all the private details of their experience, but is aw-inspiring to see how He guides us and places us exactly where we are supposed to be when we are supposed to get there.
Often the path we walk is not how we thought it would be; its longer, rougher, has some blind turns and even forces us to retrace our steps at times but it is always for a purpose and for our good. And part of the process is learning not just to weather the storm but to dance in the rain. This cute couple has definitely learned to make lemonade and their dreams are coming true.
I know that they will be AMAZING parents and this sweet child will be so loved, blessed, and cherished. And I feel so honored to be a part of their lives. <3
Tuesday, February 15, 2011
Wednesday, February 9, 2011
I've become one of them...
I always knew I'd be a great mom. I'd be fashionable and fabulous just like my pre-baby self; I'd have it all together: great home-work balance, playdates and zoo trips, crafts and cooking, AND I'd look good doing it.
But then, reality set in... I've turned into one of those moms who's scattered and a hot mess from sun up to sun down. If its not attached, I've lost it or will loose it in the near future. I'm frazzled the majority of the time and constantly wishing I had just TEN MORE MINUTES to get ready/where I'm going/etc.
Monday, I called my husband frantically because I couldn't find my wallet. He knew right where it was at: on the back of the couch, under his suit jacket.
Yesterday I organized an errand trip with one of my most favorite people. We regularly go to Target, Walmart, and a few other random places together with one or more child in tow. Its easier and more fun that way. So, we're doing our thing and having fun. We do our errands and buy our things and go home for naps.
An hour later I realize I've bought the wrong light bulbs and forgotten some things at Walmart (my least favorite store but that's a story for another day...). After all the kids are tucked in for the night, my friend and I trek back out together to Home Depot and the dreaded Walmart. We get the things I've forgotten, stop by Chili's for chips and salsa and head home.
Fast Forward to today and I realize (with child loaded in sling, diaper bag packed for sitter, my bag packed breast pump and all for work, a bag of books for said sitter, and my lunch) that I can't find my wallet.
I drive to our sitter's house; she happens to be the friend I was with last night. She checks her van and we go over the evening together. We're sure I had it when I got home.
My husband, who is really good at finding things I've lost, calls me to say he can't find my wallet in the house. I call the Chili's. They don't have it. I'm sure I had it at Chili's... Guess I'll call Walmart anyway. Sure enough, they have it. I've spent the whole day looking for my wallet and it was at the last place I looked.
I'm officially one of those crazy moms who can't ever seem to keep it all together or get where they're supposed to be on time. Guess the joke's on me!
But then, reality set in... I've turned into one of those moms who's scattered and a hot mess from sun up to sun down. If its not attached, I've lost it or will loose it in the near future. I'm frazzled the majority of the time and constantly wishing I had just TEN MORE MINUTES to get ready/where I'm going/etc.
Monday, I called my husband frantically because I couldn't find my wallet. He knew right where it was at: on the back of the couch, under his suit jacket.
Yesterday I organized an errand trip with one of my most favorite people. We regularly go to Target, Walmart, and a few other random places together with one or more child in tow. Its easier and more fun that way. So, we're doing our thing and having fun. We do our errands and buy our things and go home for naps.
An hour later I realize I've bought the wrong light bulbs and forgotten some things at Walmart (my least favorite store but that's a story for another day...). After all the kids are tucked in for the night, my friend and I trek back out together to Home Depot and the dreaded Walmart. We get the things I've forgotten, stop by Chili's for chips and salsa and head home.
Fast Forward to today and I realize (with child loaded in sling, diaper bag packed for sitter, my bag packed breast pump and all for work, a bag of books for said sitter, and my lunch) that I can't find my wallet.
I drive to our sitter's house; she happens to be the friend I was with last night. She checks her van and we go over the evening together. We're sure I had it when I got home.
My husband, who is really good at finding things I've lost, calls me to say he can't find my wallet in the house. I call the Chili's. They don't have it. I'm sure I had it at Chili's... Guess I'll call Walmart anyway. Sure enough, they have it. I've spent the whole day looking for my wallet and it was at the last place I looked.
I'm officially one of those crazy moms who can't ever seem to keep it all together or get where they're supposed to be on time. Guess the joke's on me!
Thursday, February 3, 2011
awesome Ladies
I was watching The Princess Diaries which has lots of strong women in it. They quoted Eleanor Roosevelt, "No one can make you feel inferior without your consent." She also said "A woman is like a tea bag--you never know how strong she is until she gets in hot water."
It got me thinking about all the strong women I have known or been influenced by over the years.
Over the weekend, we braved some cold weather to go to a dinner honoring Influential women of Scouting.
My sweet mother in-law was being recognized for her many years of service to the scouting program and the many boys she has helped get their Eagle. The love, service, and charity she has given to those around her (not just in scouting) is inspiring and I hope I can grow to be more like her.
At this event were many strong and inspiring women. I had the wonderful opportunity to meet Margaret Nadauld. She served as the General Young Women's President for several years and her talks and books have always reminded me of our divine qualities and abilities as women.
My very favorite talk of hers is The Joy of Womanhood where she reminds us of our inherent capacity to love, our strength and grace.
"Women of God can never be like women of the world. The world has enough women who are tough; we need women who are tender. There are enough women who are coarse; we need women who are kind. There are enough women who are rude; we need women who are refined. We have enough women of fame and fortune; we need more women of faith. We have enough greed; we need more goodness. We have enough vanity; we need more virtue. We have enough popularity; we need more purity."
My mother is also a very strong women. She pulled herself up by her boot straps and over came great odds to make a better life for herself and her family. Among many other difficult things, she got both her bachelors and masters degrees while she worked full time and had kids at home. She has always just done what was needed without a mention of any hardship she felt. She has been a great example of strength and courage to me over the years.
I feel so blessed to have been in the company of such great ladies who remind me of the strength I have inside.
... Just one more quote for Eleanor:
Do what you feel in your heart to be right - for you'll be criticized anyway. You'll be damned if you do, and damned if you don't.
It got me thinking about all the strong women I have known or been influenced by over the years.
Over the weekend, we braved some cold weather to go to a dinner honoring Influential women of Scouting.
My sweet mother in-law was being recognized for her many years of service to the scouting program and the many boys she has helped get their Eagle. The love, service, and charity she has given to those around her (not just in scouting) is inspiring and I hope I can grow to be more like her.
At this event were many strong and inspiring women. I had the wonderful opportunity to meet Margaret Nadauld. She served as the General Young Women's President for several years and her talks and books have always reminded me of our divine qualities and abilities as women.
My very favorite talk of hers is The Joy of Womanhood where she reminds us of our inherent capacity to love, our strength and grace.
"Women of God can never be like women of the world. The world has enough women who are tough; we need women who are tender. There are enough women who are coarse; we need women who are kind. There are enough women who are rude; we need women who are refined. We have enough women of fame and fortune; we need more women of faith. We have enough greed; we need more goodness. We have enough vanity; we need more virtue. We have enough popularity; we need more purity."
My mother is also a very strong women. She pulled herself up by her boot straps and over came great odds to make a better life for herself and her family. Among many other difficult things, she got both her bachelors and masters degrees while she worked full time and had kids at home. She has always just done what was needed without a mention of any hardship she felt. She has been a great example of strength and courage to me over the years.
I feel so blessed to have been in the company of such great ladies who remind me of the strength I have inside.
... Just one more quote for Eleanor:
Tuesday, February 1, 2011
Today is a new day
Today is a new day and I'm ready to embrace it, to move forward, and to quit looking over my shoulder.
But first, we should talk about where I've been...
Let me begin by telling you about myself...
I have struggled with depression and self loathing on and off my whole life due to my brutal childhood. Could have been worse, but definitely could have been A LOT better.
But, I was the girl who was cute and curvy, confident and fun. I LOVED to run, dance, and be on colorguard so with all that exercise, could eat whatever I wanted. When I graduated high school in 2004, I was a size 6 and tipped the scales at 140.
Quickly came the full time sit down job and the man of my dreams. Between working all day, playing all night, and adding "fourth meal" as we like to call it, (you know, those late night runs to Taco Bell because we stayed out so late we're hungry again) I couldn't find much time for running. And, dancing in a class setting was definitely out of the question.
Fast forward a year and on our wedding day I was barely squeezing into a size 10 and nearly 180 lbs. Yep, that's right! 40 lbs in just one year. I know what you're thinking "wow! Quit shoveling it in girl!" I was thinking it too. We bought a condo, worked and went to school, and tried to learn how to be married.
Add to the first year of marriage bumps and bruises to a whole mess of family problems and, you guessed it! Another 20 lbs.
So, there I was. Married just one year, turning 20 and weighing in at a whopping 200lbs! Sure, that may not sound like a ton, but I get fat all over and it was apparent. Gradually, over the next couple of years I added another 20lbs. Lost a few here and there with some crazy crash dieting but always seemed to find it again. I was comfortable in my job, my marriage, and trying to figure out what the future held for me and for us.
In 2008, I found myself turning 22 at 225, size 18, and in cosmetology school with a lot of girls who were cuter and trendier and all around prettier than me. So, with some determination and hard work I managed to drop 40lbs and tone up over the course of about 6 months that year. By Christmas 2008 I was squeezing back into my old size 12's and tip-toeing around the 190 mark. I was still not in love with my body, but I could live with it. And, I was happy; the future looked bright, I was finally getting closer to where I really wanted to be.
Unfortunately, in spring 2009 I got a little lazy in my post-school, working 3 jobs, haze and put a few lbs back on, but nothing I couldn't handle. I found a job I loved that would pay the bills all on its own and dismissed the others. Again, I got determined and started running. It was hard work but at least I was enjoying it...sometimes. I toned up a bit and could fit in that pesky Jr's size 11 that had been haunting me for some time but was still hovering around the 200 mark.
We were nauseatingly happy!
And then, it happened... We'd been happily married 4 years, worked out all the kinks, and were nearly blissful. Besides, I was 23, not technically in my early twenties anymore. So, its only logical that my sweet husband would persuade me the time was right to try and get pregnant. And we did.
I knew I was still over weight and that I should really only gain 20lbs at the most. And, for a while, I did okay. I started this pregnancy by losing 15 lbs from all the puking. But, sure enough, I found that weight and 50lbs more. That's right, I said 50lbs.
I was determined to get right to work and shed the unwanted pounds. I knew I was meant to be a mother, it was the one thing I always knew I wanted growing up. So, naturally I'd be great at it and would learn how to juggle and manage quickly, sure there would be a bit of a learning curve but I'd get the hang of it. Then it would be easy to squeeze in runs and Turbo Jam while my beloved munchkin napped.
The day my 8lbs 15oz, 23inch little bundle of joy came into the world I lost 23 pounds and by the time he was 5 days old I'd shed another 18lbs in water weight. So, that only left 9lbs left to get my pre-baby weight. I figured that would be a piece of cake to drop and then I could get to work on getting rid of those other pesky pounds I'd been hanging onto be for the pregnancy.
Some where between the midnight feedings, dirty diapers, and piles of laundry, reality set in. No one really told me how truly hard, exhausting, and LONELY being a new mother is. I've written in the past about the Post Partum Depression I've suffered from since my sweet boy was born. It took me a while to realize the toll that PPD took on my marriage too. I thought I was alone in the damage done, but I was wrong.
But, I'm doing the work and getting better. We're getting better as a couple too.
Over the years, I've had more than my fair share of ups and downs; I've had toxic relationships and successfully rid myself of them. I've been "better" before and know that I can be there again.
As I'm recovering, my thoughts naturally turn to the past... To the days when I was cute, I was vibrant, I was sassy, and I was SKINNY. I didn't bitch out my amazing, wonderful husband just because I didn't feel good. I was fun. And, above all, I was cute and skinny. I like me then.
Recently I have realized that to be truly healed and to truly move forward we have to let go of the past.
I read a quote from some one that said Forgiveness doesn't mean we'll ever go back to what we had, it means "I'm moving forward." A hard lesson I've learned is that the hardest person to forgive is yourself. In forgiving others, I must also forgive myself so I may truly move on.
So, Today is a new day and I plan to move forward. I can still work towards being cute and skinny again but only in the interest of health and learning to love myself the way I am. I can still strive to vibrant and sassy, funny and friendly again, but not how I was; I can be better than that.
I am moving forward.
But first, we should talk about where I've been...
Let me begin by telling you about myself...
I have struggled with depression and self loathing on and off my whole life due to my brutal childhood. Could have been worse, but definitely could have been A LOT better.
But, I was the girl who was cute and curvy, confident and fun. I LOVED to run, dance, and be on colorguard so with all that exercise, could eat whatever I wanted. When I graduated high school in 2004, I was a size 6 and tipped the scales at 140.
Quickly came the full time sit down job and the man of my dreams. Between working all day, playing all night, and adding "fourth meal" as we like to call it, (you know, those late night runs to Taco Bell because we stayed out so late we're hungry again) I couldn't find much time for running. And, dancing in a class setting was definitely out of the question.
Fast forward a year and on our wedding day I was barely squeezing into a size 10 and nearly 180 lbs. Yep, that's right! 40 lbs in just one year. I know what you're thinking "wow! Quit shoveling it in girl!" I was thinking it too. We bought a condo, worked and went to school, and tried to learn how to be married.
Add to the first year of marriage bumps and bruises to a whole mess of family problems and, you guessed it! Another 20 lbs.
So, there I was. Married just one year, turning 20 and weighing in at a whopping 200lbs! Sure, that may not sound like a ton, but I get fat all over and it was apparent. Gradually, over the next couple of years I added another 20lbs. Lost a few here and there with some crazy crash dieting but always seemed to find it again. I was comfortable in my job, my marriage, and trying to figure out what the future held for me and for us.
In 2008, I found myself turning 22 at 225, size 18, and in cosmetology school with a lot of girls who were cuter and trendier and all around prettier than me. So, with some determination and hard work I managed to drop 40lbs and tone up over the course of about 6 months that year. By Christmas 2008 I was squeezing back into my old size 12's and tip-toeing around the 190 mark. I was still not in love with my body, but I could live with it. And, I was happy; the future looked bright, I was finally getting closer to where I really wanted to be.
Unfortunately, in spring 2009 I got a little lazy in my post-school, working 3 jobs, haze and put a few lbs back on, but nothing I couldn't handle. I found a job I loved that would pay the bills all on its own and dismissed the others. Again, I got determined and started running. It was hard work but at least I was enjoying it...sometimes. I toned up a bit and could fit in that pesky Jr's size 11 that had been haunting me for some time but was still hovering around the 200 mark.
We were nauseatingly happy!
And then, it happened... We'd been happily married 4 years, worked out all the kinks, and were nearly blissful. Besides, I was 23, not technically in my early twenties anymore. So, its only logical that my sweet husband would persuade me the time was right to try and get pregnant. And we did.
I knew I was still over weight and that I should really only gain 20lbs at the most. And, for a while, I did okay. I started this pregnancy by losing 15 lbs from all the puking. But, sure enough, I found that weight and 50lbs more. That's right, I said 50lbs.
I was determined to get right to work and shed the unwanted pounds. I knew I was meant to be a mother, it was the one thing I always knew I wanted growing up. So, naturally I'd be great at it and would learn how to juggle and manage quickly, sure there would be a bit of a learning curve but I'd get the hang of it. Then it would be easy to squeeze in runs and Turbo Jam while my beloved munchkin napped.
The day my 8lbs 15oz, 23inch little bundle of joy came into the world I lost 23 pounds and by the time he was 5 days old I'd shed another 18lbs in water weight. So, that only left 9lbs left to get my pre-baby weight. I figured that would be a piece of cake to drop and then I could get to work on getting rid of those other pesky pounds I'd been hanging onto be for the pregnancy.
Some where between the midnight feedings, dirty diapers, and piles of laundry, reality set in. No one really told me how truly hard, exhausting, and LONELY being a new mother is. I've written in the past about the Post Partum Depression I've suffered from since my sweet boy was born. It took me a while to realize the toll that PPD took on my marriage too. I thought I was alone in the damage done, but I was wrong.
But, I'm doing the work and getting better. We're getting better as a couple too.
Over the years, I've had more than my fair share of ups and downs; I've had toxic relationships and successfully rid myself of them. I've been "better" before and know that I can be there again.
As I'm recovering, my thoughts naturally turn to the past... To the days when I was cute, I was vibrant, I was sassy, and I was SKINNY. I didn't bitch out my amazing, wonderful husband just because I didn't feel good. I was fun. And, above all, I was cute and skinny. I like me then.
Recently I have realized that to be truly healed and to truly move forward we have to let go of the past.
I read a quote from some one that said Forgiveness doesn't mean we'll ever go back to what we had, it means "I'm moving forward." A hard lesson I've learned is that the hardest person to forgive is yourself. In forgiving others, I must also forgive myself so I may truly move on.
So, Today is a new day and I plan to move forward. I can still work towards being cute and skinny again but only in the interest of health and learning to love myself the way I am. I can still strive to vibrant and sassy, funny and friendly again, but not how I was; I can be better than that.
I am moving forward.
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