Hump day!

Happy Hump day Loves!

Counting today, just TWO more days until a FIVE DAY WEEKEND with my husband! WOO HOO!

In other news, I'm cleaning with my favorite fume, chemical, danger FREE cleaners today.

Just sprinkle some baking soda, spritz with vinegar that has Lemon, lavender, and OnGuard in it. Wait 2-5 minutes, gently scrape any stuck on yuckies with a putty knife, wipe with damp rag, dry and DONE!

Also, FINALLY updating the family command center, something I've really been meaning to do for a super long time. Get excited. More on this to come.

xoxo!

Happiness is a Mood

Another lovely nugget from my favorite series...

So the gorgeous girl looses essentially everything she feels is her identity. And obviously she's feeling a little lost. So her boyfriend tells her

"people get lost when they think of happiness as a destination."

 

 

A lot of us live our lives thinking that they'll be happy "when." The new job. The new car. The new house. Make more money. Take this great vacation.

 

But really happiness is a MOOD. It's about the here and now. I know well the feelings of "I'll be happy when.." It used to be when we bought a house because I'd grown to hate our condo even though I loved our ward and the people we lived near.

 

But then, we got the house. And just five days later, I broke my shoulder. It was a devastating injury, excruciatingly painful, and forever changed our path. It changed my job security, because people don't wait FIVE MONTHS for their favorite waxer or hairstylist. It changed our financial security, both our plans and our current state. It made us dependent on outside help from our friends and family in a way we never had been before.

 

Frequently I still catch myself saying things like, "well we were going to, but then I broke my shoulder," or "we had that planned, but then I broke my shoulder."

 

I am currently, and have been for more than a year, living in the "I'll be happy when...." state of being and I'm realizing that I've also been quick to lay blame for things that were truly out of anyone's control. Maybe I've been focusing too much on the "when" and not enough on the "now."

 

Maybe, happiness really is a mood. It's something we have to decide to be and work for each moment of every day. And maybe gratefulness and happiness are slightly interchangeable. Maybe being appreciative of the things in front of us helps us see the happiness we have NOW.

 

Today I'm so grateful for my wonderful husband, the strength and support he is to me. I'm thankful he is a worthy priesthood holder who can bless our family daily. I'm so grateful that he has a job and is on a career path when so many do not have those things.

I'm thankful for two healthy, vibrant children.

I am grateful for the blessings of the gospel and the temple, for my eternal marriage, our prophet, the scriptures, and modern day revelation.

I'm thankful for a roof that doesn't leak, for a car that runs, for our amazing friends who show up in our darkest hours, and for our family and all that they are and do.

 

Today, I choose to be happy. But please, someone remind me at nap time, I'll probably forget. :)

blindness

I've been a little blind lately. And I don't me metaphorically.

So I have this little defect with my left eye that has been worsening each year since my childhood. It doesn't close all the way, which is fun cuz it really creeps people out from time to time, and it droops a bit and gives me away any time I'm tired or have a migraine or whatever. But really it's no big deal; I just use some oil based drops before bed.

But sometimes I bug Husband because I wake up in the night in pain with a scratch. Whatever, lots of drops for a couple of days. All better.

Did I mention the chronically dry eyes? Oh yea, I have those too.

So Wednesday I attended a beautiful birth. Which is so wonderful and I absolutely love being apart of such a special day for families. Except I get REALLY tired. Not as tired as the new momma and daddy of course, but still very tired. After a long day away, I had dinner with my lovelies, I put the Princess to bed, showered, and snuggled up with Husband on the couch for a few minutes. And then I went to bed. At 7:45pm. Lame, I know. Don't judge.

So around 3ish in the morning, I wake up with some serious eye pain. Husband does the usual check, "are you alright?"
"No, I scratched my eye"
"get some drops."
"will do. Love you husband. Go back to sleep."

So as prescribed ;) I get my eye drops and go a little heavy. Then wait ten minutes and add some more before returning to bed.

I get up to realize that it's not the eye that normally gets injured. Hmm... whatever. Continue regimen

By Saturday I'm in excruciating pain and realize this is bad. I can barely see, ice pick style headache, my face is swelling up. AWESOME.

After 3 days of a happy percocet comma and the crappy ER doc eye drops I head into the eye doc. Yup, my vision has reduced to 20/50 and lots of fogginess. So that's just great.
Can't drive. Wonderful.
Now I've got this icky bandage lense on for 7 days and my eye is dilated for 3-5 days so that it will quit straining to focus. Which is all well and good except that means I have to cover the culprit eye to be able to read. Or type. Or facebook.

Being blind (all or partially) SUCKS.

End of whining and complaining.

In other news, the chickens have decided they prefer roosting in the citrus trees instead of their coop. Hope no cats catch them in the night.

Oh, and that reminds me... I'm not going to have any citrus survive to ripeness (is that a word?) if my little Monster TD doesn't quit picking it to use as balls to play fetch with Betsy or "bowling for chickens." Bowling for chickens is kind funny to watch...

The End.

Maybe it's time to move on

Lately, I've been re-watching one of my favorite series on Netflix. I was struck by a particular line, and it's odd how it hit me, because although it was about pain and sadness, the context in which it was spoken wasn't my particular brand of sorrow.

My life has been one of great pain and sorrow. I've been through a lot and hurt a LOT. I wasn't even thinking about my wounds at the moment that this was spoken, but somehow it struck me to the core:

 

"Maybe it's time to move on."

 

 

WOW. How profound. And yet, so simple. "Maybe it's time to move on."

 

So I pondered on that for several minutes. And then the Princess woke up from her nap.

 

I continued on with my morning, watching as I nursed and played with her. A few episodes later, this character's pain deepened. I can relate to that. While my wounds are deep, they are old. Nearly as old as I am. However, I feel like they've never fully healed because the person who inflicted them continues to pick at the raw edges regularly. So this character's brother says to him, in the midst of his pain and darkness, "the darkness doesn't have any answers."

 

Our society has this romantic notion that all the pain and suffering and wallowing is actually really beautiful and healing, that it's poetic and helpful. But it's not. It's just garbage and pain and suffering. What's poetic and helpful is LIFE. LIVING the life we have before us, appreciating the present, the beauty, and love NOW is what is healing.

 

So I'm going to let it all go and MOVE ON. I'm sure that from time to time I'll still be able to feel those old wounds, and that their causation will still pick at them but I will try to remember the life I have before me and beauty of my two wonderful little monsters, and love that my husband unconditional bestows upon me. He reminds me that we are two halves of a whole and that we make up for each others' short comings. He, and our children, is where my future lies.

 

That's not to say that things won't be difficult sometimes but the world doesn't have to revolve around pain. The past is part of who we are but as one of my favorite songs says when things get rough we'll just "take this sinking boat and point it home, we've still got time..."

 

Let's move on. 

The one where I tell how awesome I am

Sometimes there are people placed in your life that you're unable to remove for various reasons. Even when you want to. So you just deal with it, right? Well most of the time, while slightly unpleasant, it's typically no biggie.

Sometimes said people make inferences and judgements about who they perceive you to be. Usually these types of assumptions are wrong. Very, very wrong.

I'm kind of a crazy girl, maybe even a bit schizo when it comes to my interests, hobbies, and job history. I get that it can be hard to keep up with me sometimes. But I ask for the benefit of the doubt.
I'm a stay at home/work at home momma of two crazies and I often feel like I'm loosing my mind but I'm bright and talented and just hope that I'll have the opportunity to utilize those talents in the service of others.

Lately, aforementioned people have treated me as though I have no talents of worth because I'm "young" and a hairdresser. And so I've continually been underutilized of late and treated as though I don't bring very much to the table.

Well, let me tell you why I am awesome:

Did you know that I was a medical secretary for more than 3 years?? I'm the daughter of a nurse. I took biology, chemistry, anatomy and physiology, medical terminology, and a few other things. I have a basic understanding of medical billing, diagnoses, and how the body works. When people use big medical words, I know what they mean and understand the context.

Did you know that I was an English major for a while? Yup, I'm fantastic at English. I'm wonderful at editing, researching, grammar, and persuasion. When you need help outlining, mapping, and/or editing your paper, I'm your girl. I even know how to properly use a semicolon! Unheard of, I know. I'm also kind of amazing at research.

I'm really great at math. Algebra, Trig, Geometry? Piece. of. CAKE. Don't like it; really good at it.

Did you know that I'm a licensed cosmetologist? This means that I can do more than hair. I also give a really rad facial. And, I can wax. Well. And fast.
On a good day, with the right products, I could wax your body hair line to toes in just about 2 hours. I'm also a really great makeup artist. I am excellent at highlighting a woman's best features.

I throw a really great party. For serious.

Did you know that I'm really passionate about health, nutrition, breastfeeding, and babies?
I'm a birth doula and lactation educator. I'm well versed and studied in the natural process of pregnancy, labor, delivery, and feeding babies the way God intended our bodies to do it. I believe in clean living, empowering our bodies to function and heal properly. I have a better understanding of natural childbirth than most medical doctors and nurses in our allopathic society has ever observed. I have a MUCH better understanding of breastmilk and breastfeeding that any doctor was taught in their schooling. I am continually updating and increasing my knowledge of nutrition, natural remedies and cures, and all things pregnancy, birth, and breastfeeding related because I'm hungry to continue in helping myself, my family, and those I come in contact with.

I'm a good speaker and teacher. I tend to over prepare, but I can typically give my message without needing too many of my notes and give information in a way that's easily understood. My mom is seriously one of the best presenters and speakers I know and I've tried hard to emulate her.
....I've also been to more than a few toastmasters meetings. HAHA!

Navigating! I'm great with a map.


So yea, I'm awesome.

You know what I suck at?? Lots of things. I'm a bit shy, I get nervous in new situations, and I like my comfort zone. I hate to be alone, like a LOT. I'm easily distracted. I talk endlessly, seriously could chat your ear off.
I like routine. And plans, please just stick to the plan. I'm opinionated. And obsessive. And easily distracted.
And let's be honest, this list could go on and on and on.

So, what was my point? .....oh right! I've been vastly underestimated and underutilized lately. It kind of sucks to have people's preconceived notions and perceptions of you determine what they believe your skill set is regardless of what you state. Combine this with a little bit of being overlooked and just a little bit of being villianized of late and I'm feeling a bit useless. This makes me cranky. Seriously. Just ask Husband.

Feeling useless is no fun. So I'm just asking you to give me a chance and let me show you what I can do. Let me show you my awesomeness. You'll be impressed. I promise.

cute Princess dress

Made By Me Monday

 

 

Using this lovely blog post and tutorial by Shwin and Shwin, as my PIN-spiration, I made this super cute dress for Princess.

I kept it sleeveless even though we're going into winter because I want her to be able to wear it spring and summer also.
I also cheated and made the skirt long and left about 2 inches of material on either side of the bodice to be able to let it out a bit as she grows.
Shout out to my rockin' Mom (aka: Mamacita) for teaching me how to hide that extra bodice fabric.

Isn't she just the CUTEST girl??

 

Sometimes it's ok to be selfish

This past weekend, I did something selfish. And I've decided sometimes it's okay to be selfish. Not just because I had Husband's blessing to do what I did, but because sometimes we're so self-LESS that we cease to care for ourselves properly. How can a momma care for her family when she's unwell? She can't.

Post partum depression is a beast. It's something I've battled before, but each baby bares a new and different challenge. For a while now, I'd been feeling like I was treading water but the last several weeks it's felt more like drowning. Gasping for air and beginning to sink under.

When people talk about drowning, real drowning not movie or television drowning, it's actually an incredibly quiet event. And it can happen right in front of a crowd of people without anyone taking real notice. There's no dramatic splashing or yelling for help, just the quiet gulps that fill a victim's lung with water as they sink below the surface practically paralyzed by fear and lack of oxygen.

For more than a month now, I've been struggling to keep my head above the water, feeling like I'm drowning, quietly gulping water and sinking below the surface. And virtually no one seemed to notice. I've even wished for an accident, to get hurt and need a prolonged hospital stay so that I could just rest and be undisturbed by dogs, chickens, poopy diapers, dirty faces, snot noses, or any of the other myriad of things that face moms of small people each day. "To just rest and be medicated would feel pretty good," I thought. And then there were times that I considered maybe just slipping under the surface quietly with no notice wouldn't necessarily be such a bad thing.

Sure I've got friends and family that would be sad and miss the girl I used to be. The cute, fun, sassy one who drew people in like a magnet. But, let's be honest: I haven't been that girl in a long time and lately I haven't been all that likable of a person. Any perceived closeness has all felt really superficial this year. And for some strange reason, I've kind of felt ok with it. I've been numb to the missing personal relationships and maybe it has mostly been how I've masked the raw and burning feelings, like the nerves exposed from gashing off a few layers of skin.

You're probably wondering where the selfish part is. Well here it is.

I left.

I packed a bag and took off for the weekend leaving my husband and children at home. I barely called or texted, only wanting not to worry the man any further but not actually wanting too many details about what was going on at home.

I told Husband and myself that it was just for the weekend, a turn around trip really. But a small portion of me was scared that I wouldn't want to come back.

I made big plans to park my tush in the sand with my toes in the water and not leave until I'd removed this lost, drifting, drowning feeling off my shoulders. Instead, I spent Friday with an old friend catching up, chatting, and just relaxing. And it felt good.

Saturday, I got up early and ran. Purposely leaving my headphones behind and pushing my speed so I'd have to focus only on my breathing and footsteps, running alone along the shoreline, those nerve endings felt like they were being picked at not healed. But isn't that often the first step, cutting away all the dead and broken skin?

Then I showered and got dressed. I drove out to Point Loma and hiked down to the tide pools.

And I sat watching the tide come in.

For a long time.

I realized I never really "lost" myself. I just sort of lost my way for a while but I was always there. However, the last few months I've been allowing my weaknesses to drive me. I'm impatient (though aren't we all), self doubting, and a perfectionist. And in my desire to not repeat the mistakes of my parents, I've been destroying myself and any confidence I had learned to this point in my life.

While I sat along the cliff edge, I saw this little seagull.

 

I know he's hard to see, but he's there sitting out on that rock.

 



I watched this little seagull for a long time.

Because the tide was coming in, the water on this rock was rising a teensy bit with each wave. He didn't seem to mind if he got sprayed a little with the water or if his toes got wet. He stood his ground and looked out toward the coastline as if planning his next move.

Eventually, the waves got a bit higher and he didn't want his bum to get wet so he began to hop as each wave washed over the rock. He continued this hop and wait for another while. Then the water became too deep. But he wasn't really ready to move on yet so he flew to the next highest rock and sat for another while repeating this process over until he was ready to fly away for good.

Despite the rising tide, he was not persuaded to change his plan or alter his course until he was really ready to do so.

... I know what your thinking: Wow, she really gave this silly bird a lot more thought than necessary. But hey, I was sitting out here on this cliff edge for the purpose of soul searching people. Sometimes ya just make do with what's available. Haha

Anyways, I figured I needed to learn something from this little seagull. It's okay when things get messy as long as we keep our perspective.

Striving for perfection can occasionally be a good thing, but in general it falls into the weakness category. It allows us to set unrealistic expectations for others and especially ourselves.

I've lost sight of the important things.
I feel like I've forgotten the extend of God's love for me, that imperfect as I am, I'm special and important just as I am.
Eternal perspective. What does that mean? "This too shall PASS."
Some where in the last couple of years, between hyperemisis, broken shoulder, new baby, etc, I stopped looking forward and making plans and goals. And while I 100% believe that life is what happens while we're busy making plans, I know that plans and goals are important. We should not just be wondering aimlessly through this life.

I've come to a new place through this weekend away that is ultimately a good thing for my family. I'm still a work in progress, still treading water but I can breathe again. It's been a while since I felt that way.

Relationships are important. Especially my marriage. With my husband's hand in mine I can overcome anything. And harsh as it may seem, right now, his is the only opinion I truly value. For too long I've been focusing on outside perceptions and expectations and I've realized that those things matter not.

I don't have to be a perfect mom, I just have to be better than I was yesterday.

And it's ok if I'm not a very good friend today because tomorrow I'll be a little bit more well than I am today which means I'll be able to be a better person the day after that.

Maybe my weekend of selfishness was a bit less selfish than I thought.

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good enough

When is "good enough" enough?

Daily we're inundated with perfect ideas of how each of us should be:
how to be the perfect housewife, the perfect lover, the perfect mother, the perfect outfit, haircut, DIY do-er, baker, cook, nail technician, up-cycler, seamstress.

There is even a list of perfect things we should have:
shoes, shade of lipstick, car, dog, diaper bag, car seat, stroller, coffee.

Our society if full of "perfectionists," myself included.

And, if you're anything like me, you only see how you're failing miserably those perfect standards. Every day I feel like I'm drowning, barely treading water, in an effort to be perfect. The perfect wife, the perfect mom, perfect friend, perfect hair and skin, even the perfect workout.

Let's get one thing clear: I am momma to a 2-yr-old (which in itself equals tantrum throwing, busy bodied, mess-making, loud and sometimes angry, adorable monster) and a very high needs, high maintenance almost one year old.
So what does this mean? It means for every mess picked up, one twice its size appears in its place without delay. All day long small people are hanging on me and climbing me for sport. They follow me around all day long and I'm never ever alone. All my food is shared and most days, my toddler TD logs more iPhone time than I do.
My house is endlessly and always a disaster, not dirty, just cluttered and toy piled. My kids often have dirty hands and faces. I'm stressed and frazzled and probably won't get a shower until my kids are in bed. Unless, of course, I got a run and shower in before Husband left for work at 6:15 this morning... which is highly unlikely.

Some days are okay, but most this constant struggle for perfection leaves me utterly exhausted emotionally and physically, feeling like I've been treading water, from sun up to sun down, just trying to find a little ray of sunshine. I know something good happens every day but most days, after the kids have gone to bed and Husband asks me about my day, I can't seem to remember them.

Sadly, when you can't ever seem to remember the good times and giggles, it's difficult to like yourself. When you constantly feel as though you're falling short at every measure.

As mothers, I think this is something we all struggle with at some point or another, especially in our early days. But what do we do about it? How do we find the balance between "good enough" and "perfection?"

I hope some of you know, because I still haven't figured it out.

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Running

Running used to be my solace. I was good at running. And, more importantly, I LOVED it. We were besties.

Fast forward a few years, a couple of kids, an injury or too, and I still love running. Only now, running doesn't love me so much anymore. Now, running is hard.

No matter how awful things seemed, when the world was crashing down around me, I could run. For miles and miles.

Now I have a new challenge: when my tank is on empty emotionally, running hurts. And oddly, running is now often tear inducing. But not just sprinkles, SOBS. It's rather difficult to run very far or very fast when you've been sobbing and as I'm currently training for my first half marathon, this is kind of a problem.

I still feel some relief when I'm finished but it seems to take a lot more energy to rid myself of the emotional baggage than it used to and I am rarely left feeling refreshed.

Maybe the problem is that these trials, although much different, feel similar in weight to those I was dealing with 8 and 9 years ago. The weight on my chest that makes it hard to take a deep breath is back. I think sometimes in life we sort of loose our footing. Our faith isn't lost, we know its there even if it's momentarily dimmed, its just that for whatever reason the ground feels a little shaky and unstable for a little while and the sky seems to be fading behind the shadows cast by our obstacles. We can't quite feel the full power of our faith within ourselves.

So, for a little while we lean on the faith of someone close to use. It's amazing the strength and support we can draw from the faith of another. What a tender mercy to have someone placed in our path to hold our hand and say "it's ok, we can run slow for a while." And, in some crucial moments, "Let's walk. As long as we get our miles in, its ok if it takes a while. The speed and strength will come as long as we keep putting one foot in front of the other"

I guess it's ok if I go slow for awhile and I'm sure soon enough I won't cry so much. I will probably never get back to where I used to be but that's ok because different can be good and, really, we should probably just be moving forward anyway. I can be better than I used to be.



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Change is in the wind....

I'm going to start out with honesty. Because that's what I do here: raw, unedited, naked truth.

So I took a little break recently, from blogging, crafting, socializing, from basically every thing. Why? Because I suffer from post partum depression (PPD). Its devestating, debilitating, and there is nothing cute or romantic about it. The hardest part? We've been here before. I've walked these steps before. PPD strips you down to the bare bones of your exsistence; any symbolance of good mental health or normalcy you had goes completely away and all that's left is BROKEN. For a while, I thought I was ok; I thought I had everything under control. As it turns out, I was wrong.

So now, Zoloft and I are becoming good friends. I see a post partum specialist. And that's a major difference this time around, its easier to heal when working with someone who actually knows what they're doing. She tells me its ok, I did not cause this, there is nothing I could have done to prevent it, and most importantly, I will survive this.  This coming week, I plan to start attending a post partum support group. I also get to have some fancy-smancy blood work done because I may have a sleepy adrenal gland which can worsen any PPD symptoms.

Every day is hard. But I'm trying. That's a lot to ask sometimes.

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garden's a growin'

Well, its been a couple of weeks and things are definitely looking good. I've learned a few lessons the hard way though, next year I'll do better:
      > cage of trellis plants from their infancy, not after they're already beginning to take over your garden
      > Squash (crookneck and zucchini) can be grown in tomato cages but its hard. next year I think I'll try making a chicken wire trellis instead.
      > because I was not so good at teaching my plants to grow up this year, my zucchini squash may have stunted the growth of my garlic. More on this at harvest time.

I harvested my first crop of cilantro!! SOOO yummy!

I also planted a second cilantro plant so that hopefully I'll always have fresh cilantro :)

The best way to get large onions is to cut the stem that grows above ground down every 4-6 weeks. As you can see, it's nearly time to do this again. (I planted 2 squares of sweet red onions at 9 onions per square)



    

My strawberry plants were getting a bit too much sun so I transplanted them into pots. I'm hopeful they'll survive to be fruit bearing this summer :)

In their place, I planted two New Mexico Hatch chilies (the only difference between New Mexico Hatch chilies and Anaheim chilies is where they were seeded; both make delish salsa among other things).

 Please disregard the adorable toddler taking a water break next to the garden. :)

I remembered to cage these two immediately. I also grabbed a couple of sticks out of the yard waste bin and used soft twine to tie the plants to them. I'm planning to watch how they grow and may switch to a different trellis system if they get too tall and sprawling like the squash.

And so the growing continues :)


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Square Foot Saturdays

I'm starting a new **hopefully** weekly feature: Square foot Saturdays!

GET EXCITED.

Each Saturday, I'll post about how our newly planted square foot garden is going. I purchased The All New Square Foot Gardening  By Mel Bartholomew. The premise of square foot gardening is that your grow more in less space, up not out.  You can also find some cool stuff on his website but, well, since I'm a rebel I had to break a few rules and do things my own way a bit.

SO I had this shabby old, empty concrete planter in our backyard. It happens to be 2 feet by 12 feet and while more square foot gardens are 4x4, I (with the help of my dad) built this 2 foot x 6 foot wooden frame using 2x12x1 boards. My sweet husband dug the rotten dirt out about 6 inches down and drove these old picket fence stakes (YAY for recycling!!) into the ground. Then we (he) screwed the frame into the stakes.

Here you can see the weed barrier that we put down and brought up the sides of the frame. this will prevent any thing from growing up from underneath our garden.     ...Please disregard the cute Betsy dog with her rear in the air.
You can also see the 12 cubic feet of soil we used: 3 bags of "Mel's Mix" aka: 5 kinds of compost in one bag, one bag of organic miracle grow peet moss, one organic miracle grow vegetable garden soil, and one bag of miracle grow vegetable garden moisture control soil.  The point of mixing the 5 kinds of compost, peet moss, and regular garden soil is to provide a very nutrient rich foundation for our vegetables.

We used a planting guide specific to our county to pick what vegetables to plant at what time and also spent a fair amount of time talking with the owner of Treeland Nursery who was most helpful.
Since we have 12 one-foot squares, we chose to start with garlic, cilantro, 2 squares of onions, 2 varieties of strawberries, zucchini squash, summer squash, and tomatoes. This leaves us 3 empty squares to plant more things as the seasons progress.

Here you can see (starting top left) zucchini-planted one per square, 3 empty squares, strawberry-also one per square, onion-9 per square, strawberry, and onion.

Here is (starting top left) tomato (we chose a medium sized summer hybrid)-one per square, Cilantro (cilantro is planted 4 per square but since it matures so quickly we left room to add one per month for the next 3 months so that we'll always have fresh cilantro), crookneck summer squash-one per square, garlic-2 per square, and the zucchini squash shown in the picture above.

We are SOOOO very excited to have fresh veggies to eat that we no longer have to purchase! YAY!

Once its time to turn the AC back on - puh-leeease not too soon! - we'll be creating a filtration system so we can use the runoff to water our garden instead of the hose. Details on that will come later. :)

We will also be building a system to help our tomato, squash, and strawberry plants grow UP not out in the near future.

Hopefully the garlic will keep the bugs away but if not, we may plant marigolds in with the cilantro at the east end of the garden and in one of our empty squares in the middle.

Square foot gardens are great for small areas, even apartment patios. They require less maintenance that traditional gardens because of less weeding and you should be able to reach all areas without ever stepping in your garden. Part of the success of square foot gardening is continual crop rotation so that the soil remains healthy and you always have something fresh to harvest.

Here's one last pic to help you get inspired! YUM!



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Peacock Wreath

I'm taking a cue from Marni over at Sassy Sites and doing a "Made by Me Monday" :)

I found a gorgeous peacock inspired wreath on Pinterest and had to make one myself. I added a few personal touches to spice it up and bit and LOVE how it came out!!

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Little Miss

I was release to begin rehab on my shoulder just 4 weeks before my due date when I should have had 12 weeks but it would have to be good enough because Little Miss came early!

And here's all the gory details:

I started having contractions every 10 mins on Friday, Oct 28 in the evening. Of course, knowing better than getting my hopes up, we went to bed and went about our weekend plans. Saturday was Hub's company picinic and LOTS of walking. The contractions got closer for several hours and then settled back into the every 10 minute pattern. :((

Monday was Halloween. I went to therapy and did as much as a huge contracting momma with a messed up shoulder can. TD and I went to my parents' ward party and trunk or treat. At this point I was having contractions about every 5 minutes so I put our sitters on high alert. After we got home and settled into bed, the contractions fizzled out and back to every 8 minutes. SO disappointed!

Tuesday was better... that is if pain = better.
After dinner, my contractions had been about every 3-4 minutes for 3 hours so we decided to go in and get checked. I was dialated 3 cm and after an hour of walking in the beautiful Banner Gateway Maternity garden, the contractions had stalled back out to every 8 minutes and I had made no progress. Very sad and a little angry, we went home.

Wednesday and Thursday I had steady contractions every 8 minutes. UGH!

Thursday afternoon, we saw the OB. STILL only 3 cm.

Thursday night around 10, I got a sign that active labor was on its way: lost my plug and the contractions started getting stronger but not much closer together. I went to bed hoping to be woke up in the night ready to have a baby!

Friday morning, I got up and went to my last scheduled PT appointment. When I arrived, my contractions were every 6 minutes and strong. As I went through my exercises and manipulation, they got stronger and up to every 3 minutes. I drove myself home, went for a long walk with TD and hubby, showered and napped. Sadly, they were back to every 8 minutes. I was beginning to feel like she was NEVER going to leave my body! So, I send hubby to work and went about my day. I did laudry and dishes and played with TD on the floor a lot so I could squat.

By 4, I was having a hard time breathing through my contractions so I called TD's Mamacita (my wonderful mother) to come help with his dinner and all that jazz. She brought dinner and fed us both. She did the dishes, helped me put away laundry and rubbed my back.

At 5:30, I knew it was time for hubby to come home because I was feeling the need for pain meds!

We arrived at triage around 6:45pm sure I'd made some progress for all the hard work I'd been doing over the last 20 hours. I wanted to stab someone when the said I was STILL only 3 cm! The triage nurse kindly informed me that I had 1 hour to make some progess or I'd be going home regardless of my pain level.

After 45 minutes, she came in to check me because my contractions were showing long and clusters on her monitor. Thankfully I was at 6.5 cm in just that short time! We were going to have a baby very soon!! Oh, and PLEASE get the epidural ready!!

Unfortunately, there was no bed available for me for about 30 minutes but thankfully Christina, my labor and delivery nurse had paged the nurse anesthetist and he was waiting for me!

At nearly 10pm, Christina checked me and I had made NO progress. And, Little Miss was not only facing the wrong way, but not dropping down into position. .... As if this princess hadn't put me through enough already. Awesome. At least with the epidural in, I could rest.

Around 2am, Christina came into mess with my IV some more and I was barely 7 cm. My doc decided to start pitocin and I figured after 8 day of contractions and 26 hours of hard labor, it was probably a good call.  Due to my shoulder, I couldn't do a lot of the position changes that help babies turn over so we just had to hope for the best.

At 5:12 Christina came in to hang another dose of penicillin (I'm GBS positive) and was going to check me "in about 20 minutes" and as she stood there messing with the machine my water broke with a huge and audible gush. SOO much fluid, had to change my gown and all the bed linens. She checked me as soon as it broke and I was 9cm and fully effaced but Little Miss was STILL not engaged in the birth canal. :((
By the time we got all the linens changed (about 20 minutes) I was feeling ready to push. So, she checked me again and I was 10cm. She told the baby nurse to make sure they'd called my doc and she decided to have me do the "test push" ya know, where they decide how fast they think you're gonna go. After about 1 second of that she was practically screaming at me to stop pushing and telling them he'd better get there NOW.
We waited about 15 minutes and as he was walking in, I told him "I need to push RIGHT NOW. I can't not push any longer" He was gowning up so said to go ahead. I started to push as he turned to face me. He stuck out his hands, said, "ok WOW, you werent kidding" and literally caught her as she popped out.

Little Miss

11.5.11 6:08am

8lbs 2oz 21inches

Because she waited until the absolute last possible second to turn around and engage, she came out the a beautiful, perfectly round, unbruised head. And she is DELISH!

Apparently, I had a surprisingly large amount of fluid because EVERYONE commented on how much came out with her. I soaked the gown, all the bed linens, the floor, and the Doc enough he had to go change his scrubs before the next delivery! (HEHE, that's what he gets for making me wait for HIM instead of him being on our schedule!) I'm guessing that's why she seemed to not be affected at all when I fell on her 7 weeks ago. And we thought she was gonna be a lot bigger because of how my belly looked and felt but it turned out to be all the fluid.

It's funny because everyone keeps telling us how big she is but I feel like she's tiny because TD was a whole lbs heavier, 2.5 inches taller, and his head was 3 inches bigger too. Her's is only 11inches. I'm also very happy to report that after a bit of whinning and complaining on my part, they discharged us only 30 hours after delivery instead of the typical 48-72!

Little Miss has such a sweet disposition and is fitting into our little family perfectly! TD adores her... sometimes he loves her a little harder than she'd like! :)

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