Self discovery and the sauce.

The past few weeks, as I've been back to work, I've learned a lot about myself.

For the first time in my life, I'm realizing who **I** am. Me! Not me as wife, not mother, not cosmetologist or doula or lactation counselor. Just ME.

It's surprisingly interesting.

I'm more sarcastic and direct than I remembered and I laugh more than I have in a loooong time.

Through this process, I've realized just how much I eat my feelings. So my first goal is to get in front of that.

I'm planning to do a 21 day sugar detox in July but before I can do that, Momma's gotta go off the sauce. Diet Dew that is.

So I've got one Diet Dew left in the fridge and when it's gone, I'm all done. . .

I imagine I'm going to be kinda stabby over the next week. You've been warned.

xoxo,
Sara

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back to work

Well, I've decided to go back to work. I truly loved waxing and am excited to be doing that again.

But I do have some mixed feelings about it.

You see, since I was young, all I've ever wanted was to be a mother. And I was very passionate that I wanted to be able to be home with my children if possible. I was a latch key kid and we were mostly on our own for the bulk of the day light hours.

It's not that I believe there was anything wrong with that, but I did know that I wanted something different for me and my future family. So staying home was an easy choice to make when the opportunity arose.

Except, someone neglected to tell me that mothering was difficult. I have learned that I easily loose myself in mothering and in my responsibilities to my little monsters that I love so much. When you're unable to use the bathroom without an audience or take a shower without a clock running or a small one stripping off their diaper to join you, you begin to loose track of the things you used to love about yourself.

Today, a sweet woman asked me what I like to do for myself that no one else benefits from and I couldn't think of one single thing. It took me a solid minute to realize that the thing I wanted most was just to pee alone. Since I've only been back to work a few days, I've decided to let this pass and hope that as the days go by, I'll remember what makes me happy.

It saddens me to discover that I like my children best when I spend regular time away. I wanted to be the kind of woman who could be wholly devoted to my lovely little monsters and yet, I am not. This realization is giving me cause for much reflection. What does this mean for me? What does this say about me as a mother?

For now, I'm working regular hours waxing but as time goes, I hope I can devote more time to helping mothers through my doula and lactation practice.