I'm in Control

I've been on an incredible parenting journey the last year or so.

Together, Husband and I have been trying to learn and adapt ourselves to be more patient, non-aggressive, non-violent, peaceful parents. Empathy is sometimes a hard thing to teach if you struggle to be empathetic toward yourself.

I recently heard a quote I love:

                Empathy isn't taught. It’s caught.

So I’m trying hard to be more empathetic so our Monsters can catch it. Sometimes empathy starts with autonomy.  

As mothers, autonomy isn't something we typically excel at. We feel guilty locking the bathroom door while we poop or shower. We feel guilty wanting to grocery shop alone.  I cannot teach my Monsters to be strong and independent if I never allow myself the right of autonomy and self-governance. That means the guilt has to go away. It is perfectly acceptable to pee alone and shop for jeans without the family in-tow.

Guilt does not serve me. It doesn't put food on the table, buy groceries, fold laundry, keep me sane, or change diapers. Let the guilt go. **deep breaths**

As I’m learning to allow myself space, I’m noticing how empowered my Monsters are becoming in their own skin.

Monster Man REALLY likes to antagonize Princess Girl, just as most older brothers do their little sisters, especially in the car, but tonight on our drive home as he began to pick at her, she held her palm up to him. Calmly, and a little loudly, she said “Stop. My in control my body. My not listening.”

It only took a small prompting for her to remember that only she is in control of her body, just as he is the only one in control of his. They each have used this in their own defense. Monster Man even told a beloved relative that he could not have a hug because “only I control my body. I hug when I’m ready.”

How profound that at the ages of 2 and 3, they already have a grasp on something that took me nearly 27 years to just begin learn. Learning this has been HUGE for my Monsters. Unfortunately, it makes them even more head strong J but I know that no one will ever be able to push my kids around or force them into anything.  Ever.

I am so amazed every day at the strength of my wonderful Monsters who continually show me all the things I need to heal within myself. Heavenly Father knew exactly what we needed when He sent them to us and I thank Him every day.

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